I hate the designated hitter rule in baseball. A baseball player should not have a 15-year career without owning a mitt. If pitchers hit in both leagues, sure scoring would go down — but getting drilled in the back would be way, way up. I don't think Roger Clemens would have decapitated Mike Piazza in the World Series if he was due to lead off the next inning.
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I find it hilarious that Los Angeles has a soccer team but no football team. Soccer sucks. Most soccer games end by a score of 2-1. If you played the entire game without goalies, it would end 9-8.
Hockey sucks too. I can't root for a guy whose name on the back of his jersey has no vowels. I also don't think a sport is legitimate if its inception depended on the weather.
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I think that Bud Selig looks like Stephen Hawking.
Last week the Seattle Mariners' mascot ran over Red Sox center fielder Coco Crisp while driving an ATV. Miraculously, J.D. Drew was not injured. Why is the Seattle Mariners' mascot a Moose? A mariner is a seafaring explorer. I don't think the ancient mariners came across many moose on the open seas. Something went horribly wrong in the marketing department in Seattle.
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I will not get into the habit of addressing my critics but this is an exception. For all of you soccer maniacs out there, you need to come down off your high horses. Just because I do not like soccer, does not mean that I do not know how to play soccer. Nor does it mean that I don't "understand" soccer or "appreciate" soccer.
Soccer — (nee) futbol — is a sport I grew up around. I played it constantly. My Uncle Bob was the head coach at Drew University and my family had season tickets to the New York Cosmos for years. I spent my entire childhood watching Pele pass a ball to Franz Beckenbauer. I watched plenty of Seninho and Rick Davis as a child and even saw Carlos Alberto punch Shep Messing in the back during warm ups once. I know how to play soccer, I appreciate soccer, and I get soccer. I don't like soccer. If soccer is so fantastic, then why isn't it successful here? Maybe if you spent less time on message boards and more time in the seats at a Galaxy game, there might be an MLS five years from now! And stop telling me that proof that soccer must be great is because every other country plays it. Have you seen every other country? C'mon, I'm supposed to get fired up for soccer because they are playing it in Cameroon? I'll stick with running water and baseball.
Finally, Jay Mohr impersonating Christopher Walken reading "Good Night Moon" on The Simpsons:
I probably won't get anything done at work this afternoon…
UPDATE: Jay is hosting the Jim Rome show today as well. SWEET.
Barry Bonds has crowned himself the new Home Run King. In his first proclamation from the throne, he assured us that "This record is not tainted at all; at all."
Riiiiiiiight…
Let's play a little game of before-and-after to see if King Barry is telling the truth. The pictures on the left are from early in Barry's career, when he played for the Pirates. The ones on the right are present-day Barry. Two main differences come to mind right away. The first is that Barry was wise to ditch the 'stache. Second, I'm forced to wonder what sort of workout regimen a person could undertake in order to DOUBLE the size of their own head!
I get it that baseball had to do something after the strike in 1994 to get the fans back in the seats, but watching juiced players hit juiced baseballs out of shrinking ballparks isn't what the game of baseball is all about. If watching cheaters pat each other on the back and change the rules while the game is being played were entertaining, the United Nations would have an impressive following.
Barry Bonds has become the king of a fallen generation, made up of "athletes" who are willing to cheat and a league who wont (can't?) do anything about it. Bond's record is meaningless, and it is a disgrace to a sport with such a noble history.
The Cards and the Mets got things started last night. After more than an hour of pre-game nostalgia celebrating the 2006 World Series Champions, the Cardinals were a little unfocused on their way to a 6-1 loss to the Mets.
For all of you Mets fans out there, all I can say is
Apparently there is a tradition at K State of throwing live chickens on the court whenever the Kansas Jayhawks come to town. Students smuggle the birds in, and then throw them out during player introductions to mock Kansas' avian mascot.
PETA has complained to the K State administration, which issued a letter this week threatening that anyone caught throwing an object onto the floor will be ejected from the game, and could possibly face criminal prosecution.
The PETA complaint "described chickens as 'very intelligent and inquisitive animals' that appeared to have been subjected to 'deafening noise, bright lights, terror, abusive handling and likely death for the sake of amusement.'"
PETH (People for the Ethical Treatment of Humans) has filed a similar complaint, describing students at K State as "not terribly intelligent, but very inquisitive humans" that appear to have been subjected to "deafening noise, bright lights, terror, abusive handling and likely death every time their football team plays the Nebraska Cornhuskers."
I didn't realize Hulk Hogan was the new coach of the Colorado Buffaloes' so-called "football program." Look for big things from the Buffs next year, brother. You know, like tear away jerseys, suplexes, and so on.
Use the player below to listen to Coach Hawkins' entire rant.
…and no, I'm not talking about Valentine's Day. Since we've got other engagements tonight, we've already had our nice dinner, gifts, and flowers. But, if I know my wife, the content of this article probably means as much to her as Valentine's Day ever did…
Before I get to the prediction, let me give you a little background, including this video:
"The worst days as a Buff is better than the best days as a Husker." Them is some purty strong wurds from a coach who cant put together a grammatically correct sentence (or a win over Div I-AA Montana State). Shouldn't it be "The worst days… *are* better?" Maybe Renae can help us out with this one.
Some history about the "days" of these two programs:
Series record: 45-17-2, meaning that Nebraska has won 70.3% of the meetings between these storied programs.
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