How it all went down

An interview from one of the cable news networks, the day before Democrats took control of the House of Representatives:

Talking Head: We now go live to Democratic Candidate, who is running for the United States House of Representatives. Good morning, Democrat.

Democratic Candidate: Good morning, Talking.

TH: Mr. Candidate, why should the good people of the United States of America send to to Washington on their behalf?

DC: Oh, that's an easy one. George Bush lied and thousands died.

TH: Yes, I see.

DC: This country needs to go in a new direction, and I'm the guy to take us there.

TH: Yes, I'm sure you are. Tell me more about this "new direction" idea of yours.

DC: Well, the current administration is inept, and they are too arrogant to turn in a new direction. If I'm elected, I will do my best to take this country in a new direction.

TH: I'm sorry… I'm having a little bit of trouble following you. You've used the term "new direction" several times now, but all you've said is that the Bush administration is going the wrong direction. I assume you are talking about the war in Iraq.

DC:Yes, that's right. It's a quagmire over there, a virtual second-coming of the Vietnam conflict. Our troops deserve better than this.

TH: So, you would advocate a swift and immediate withdrawal of U.S. forces from the region?

DC: I didn't say that.

TH: I beg your pardon. You would agree with President Bush then, that we need to remain in the region as a stabilizing force?

DC: I didn't say that, either.

TH: OK. So, you aren't in favor of withdrawing our troops, and you're also not in favor of leaving them in Iraq. Please explain your position so the American people can understand it better.

DC: We need to go in a new direction…

TH: Yes, you mentioned that.

DC: …in Iraq. President Bush keeps on saying that we need to "stay the course" over there, but as you can tell, things aren't going that well. As of this morning, 2,839 of our troops have been killed in action since the war started in March of 2003.

TH: Less than 3,000 dead would have been considered a good *month* in the second World War.

DC: You're missing the point. Bush lied, people died. Now, what we need is a new direction in Iraq. If I'm elected, I will make it a priority to turn things around over there. We owe it to our troops, whom I support to the highest degree, to get them out of the war that most of them think we should be fighting. My policy position is simple: make things in Iraq *better*.

TH: Make things better?

DC: Yep, better. Who wouldn't want things to be going better in Iraq? Our country is so deeply polarized right now, and what better way to bring everyone together than by making things in Iraq *better* than they are now.

TH: Yes, yes. I see your point.

DC: Americans are wonderful, hard-working folks, and they deserve a candidate who can make things *better* for them.

American People: You know, he's right. I, for one, sure would like for things to be going *better* in Iraq. I know who I'm voting for!

Nancy Pelosi: Woo-hoo!

Donald Rumsfeld: That's it, I'm outta here.