If Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy
What Makes Wives Happy? Salynn Boyles of WebMD.com evaluates the results of a survey of 5,000 married women in an article at WebMD.com. As I read the article I noticed that most of the findings directly parallel what the Bible says about husbands' and wives' complimentary roles in the family. You'll see what I mean below.
Article:
"Wives who felt that their husbands were emotionally engaged were the happiest in their marriages."
"Men have to really step up emotionally in their marriages."
Bible:
"Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…" 1 Peter 3:7
"Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Ephesians 5:28
Conclusion: Wives who have husbands that engage them, learn about them, and love them unselfishly are happier in their marriages. Obedience to God's word brings joy.
Article:
"Wives who worked outside the home were not as happy as wives who didn't."
"Women in the survey were happiest when their husbands were the main breadwinners for the family and when they did not work outside the home."
"Women who believe in the modern egalitarian idea of marriage may still find juggling a career, children, and a marriage to be tremendously stressful."
Bible:
Older women are to "train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5
A widow in the church should be cared for if she is older than 60 and has "a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children…" 1 Timothy 5:9-10
"I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. For some have already strayed after Satan." 1 Timothy 5:14-15
Conclusion: Wives who work in the home, bringing up children, and managing their households, are more satisfied with their marriages than those who work outside the home. Obedience to God's word brings joy.
Article:
"Four of five couples who perceived themselves as equal partners within the marriage considered their marriages happy."
Bible:
Husbands should show "honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life…" 1 Peter 3:7 (similar idea in Galatians 3:27-28)
Conclusion: Husbands and wives are equal in value, but different in roles (see earlier points). Which is more valuable, a tea cup or a sledge hammer? Clearly the tea cup is weaker, and the hammer is stronger. But, both are of great value in the roles they were created for. When wives feel honored as equal in value with their husbands, they are happier in their marriages. Obedience to God's word brings joy.
Article:
"Wives who shared the view that marriage is a lifelong commitment with their husbands were also happiest in their relationships."
Bible:
Jesus said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh… What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Matthew 19:5-6
"To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
Conclusion: When divorce is even considered as a possible outcome of a marriage, neither partner is as satisfied in the marriage. However, when the husband and wife agree that marriage is a life-long commitment and they both are resolute in keeping their marriage vows, wives are more satisfied with their marriage. Obedience to God's word brings joy.
There is plenty of confusion in our culture today, and even in our churches, about men's and women's roles in the family, the church, and society at large. This study is by no means conclusive, but it is further proof to me of what I've known all along. Obedience to God's ways may be harder, but it is always the most fulfilling, most joyful, and most health way for a person to live their life. To the outside world it might seem burdensome, uncomfortable, or complete foolishness, but I know from my own marriage that the times when my wife and I are most closely following the biblical directions for our marriage have been the most enjoyable by far.
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